In IFS we talk a lot about our “parts”, that is the various aspects of our personality that show up in different ways in our lives, such as an inner critic, or a perfectionist, or a part that numbs and escapes to avoid pain.
But how do we really get to know these parts of ourselves in a deeper way? How can we even conceptualize the idea of parts without thinking of ourselves as having some kind psychological disorder? Internal Family Systems has the answer.
Think of it like this: Have you ever felt completely torn between two decisions? Maybe like one part of you desperately wants to go for some new opportunity, while another part feels terrified and wants to stay safe? Or maybe you have an inner voice that’s really hard on you, even when you logically know you did okay?
These kinds of inner conflicts are common in all of us. We all have various aspects to our personality – maybe a responsible work-self, a playful friend-self, a worried parent-self. IFS is simply a compassionate and helpful way to understand this inner landscape.
It’s Not What You Might Think
When people hear “parts,” they sometimes think of disorders like a Dissociative Identity Disorder. But IFS sees having different “parts” as a completely normal aspect of being human. It’s not about separate personalities; it’s about the different facets, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs that make up one whole person – you.
Think of it like an internal family or team. Each member (part) has its own perspective, feelings, and role it tries to play. From this perspective it really isn’t a pathology or disorder at all.
Why Do We Have Parts? The “No Bad Parts” Idea
IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, who found that listening compassionately to these inner parts was incredibly healing for his clients.
A core concept of Internal Family Systems is that there are no bad parts. Even parts that seem difficult – like extreme anger, harsh self-criticism, or intense fear – originally developed to help us cope or protect us, often based on experiences earlier in our lives.
So a critical voice might be trying to protect you from messing up, or an anxious part might be trying desperately to keep you safe from perceived danger. Their intentions are positive, even if their impact isn’t helpful anymore.
Accessing Your Inner Leader: The Self
IFS also recognizes that underneath all these parts, everyone has a core Self. This Self is naturally calm, curious, compassionate, confident, and clear. It’s the wise, centered part of you that can understand your parts without judgment and lead with balance and harmony.
Why This Matters
Understanding yourself through the IFS lens means you can stop fighting against parts of yourself. Instead of trying to avoid or suppress that inner critic or anxious feeling, you can get curious about it. What is it trying to do for you? What does it fear?
By approaching our inner world with the curiosity and compassion from the perspective of Self, we can understand why our parts do what they do, heal the hurts they might be carrying from the past, and help them find more helpful ways to operate in the present. It’s a path toward greater self-understanding, less inner conflict, and more inner peace.
Conclusion
Getting to know your inner parts can take practice and effort. Once you can start to identify them and hear their protective mechanisms and strategies, you can then develop relationship with each that can be thought of as an inner family.